Ahh, if only things were so easy, eh?
You see, once a New Year has passed, everyone is buzzing about with one thing on their minds. Resolutions. I made the decision a few years ago to end the damning cycle of creating false promises, by not creating any at all. (Well at least I tried)
We can all try, and try as we might, but even I have to admit that something about having to change the way you write the date, and starting back in January, and knowing you have a whole year of seasonal colours (as in nature – not fashion) to look forward to; it just makes me want to think and feel positivity. I want to say to myself – let’s make that change.
I mean, there’s plenty to be made.
But, as much as I hate to admit it; I’m lazy and somewhat apathetic. When it comes to physical changes – y’know, maybe deciding to go for a jog twice a week, and giving up the chocolate biscuits – it’s hard. Really hard in fact. Yet I’m faced with the “Weight Watchers” adverts telling me how I should be living my life, and what I should be striving to achieve. Their false imagery only makes me feel worse. Because what they want me to attain is a long, long, long way off.
So instead of feeling bad about it all, I try not to get pulled in. I want to live a life free from making myself feel bad; and full of making positive changes as and when they are needed or called-upon. This, I have decided is the way forward.
Even so, I still cling onto the romantic idea that with a new year, things will be different. I can move on from the past. I can forget the bad. I can expect to see change in both myself and in others… Does it ever happen though?
What I do want to do though, is something I did last year.
Educators like to think that endlessly scaring their students into exams and revision actually works – I can tell them now, it doesn’t. If anything, it has the opposite effect. By depressing us, you make us lose any enthusiasm we might have otherwise had; and thus it works out worse for all of us. Last year though, my educators decided upon a new tactic – to make us plan a-head.
We had to write a short letter to ourselves, explaining what we had achieved in the past twelves months, and what we aim to achieve in the next twelve months, along with what we want out of life in the long-term.
I wrote in January last year that I wanted to come out. I wanted to embrace the “real me”, and stop hiding behind the wall of blandness and lies I had built around myself.
Upon receiving the letter nine months later; I realised I had gone a long way towards achieving that. I’d gone from being the girl who daren’t even write on her letter “I am a lesbian” to acknowledging it to all of my friends and family.
So this year, I want to try this again; and I also think it should be something that any of you should try to do too.
Acknowledge the positive in you life, and acknowledge the changes you want to make; and cement the ideas and plans you have for yourself in the future. Apart from being a brilliant therapeutic method, when you come to read your letter in many months away from now, you’ll learn something new about yourself.
So in approximately twelve months time – I’ll say next Christmas – I shall update on what my letter said, and how far I have gone towards achieving the goals and personal changes and progress I want to make.
I hope everyone had a good New Year’s Eve – I know mine was good, although only in the sense I had fun. I’m still hopelessly single, and a virgin to lesbian sex. How depressing!
x
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