Somehow pain goes from something so harsh that breathing becomes gasping for air, eating becomes shoving food down to a stomach that can barely stand it, and living is nothing but forcing your eyes open after a blessed eight hours of unconscious, to just a twinge of something that still manages to taint everything joyful in your life. Okay, very melodramatic, and I only felt like I was hyperventilating for a few hours afterward, but still, for a good few months there, life was pretty much zombie-land. After that, the winter seems to move inside of you, so that to all purposes you can act and appear normal.
What I want to know is how long it’s okay to feel sad, and how the hell I’m supposed to stop. Is the rest of my life going to be haunted by this person? Is it going to take new people, new places in my life to drag me out of this? Or am I stuck? Six months and counting.
I did something really shitty and mean and stupid, and one of my best friends (and also the first person I ever loved, though she didn’t reciprocate it) and she’s unable to forgive me…
I hardly ever see her anymore, but we have mutual friends and every time I run into her, I feel just like I did at the beginning…
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