Space. The final frontier. When you are in a relationship, how much space is appropriate?
Happiness is sharing your life with the one you love. And part of building that life together is spending a lot of time together. There are the long talks, the movies together, the shopping together, the road trips, the walks… but just how much time should you devote to the relationship? How much time should you devote to your relationship with yourself?
It’s interesting that most of the friends I’ve talked to about this say that a part of them is either dormant or seemingly gone when they are in a relationship.
This is puzzling because when you are in love and someone loves you, shouldn’t they love you for who you are? And if you’re letting a vital part of yourself get lost in the shuffle, how can you say that your lover really loves you?
The question has been on my mind for the last few days.
You need time for you. Time alone to read, write, watch trashy tv and eat junk food, go to your favorite cafe and read, nap, or do whatever it is that your “single behavior” used to be.
If you can’t get in touch with yourself at least once a day, you quickly begin to see the effects. You may start to resent the one you love because they’re taking all your time. You may start to think (even subconsciously) that the whole relationship is about them.
And how can you blame them if you allow this to happen?
Each day, we must allow time to be by ourselves. To examine our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and refocus on our goals and ambitions.
Start by having an honest conversation with your lover. Just be careful how you say things, because some guys and gals take the word “space” to be a pitstop on the way to BreakUpVille.
I suggest the honest approach. Just say that you need to focus on yourself for a little bit. Say that you love him/her very much and that you just need time to yourself, and that you’ll be back shortly.
When you do, bring them back something cute like a small gift or write them a note.
When you spend time alone you also realize how lucky you are that you have someone to take time away from.
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