An Injury to One Is an Injury to All

Republished with Ron Jacobs permission

["An injury to one is an injury to all" was a slogan of the anarchist labor union the IWW, commonly referred to as the Wobblies.]

Dissident Voice – USA
http://dissidentvoice.org/2009/09/an-injury-to-one-is-an-injury-to-all/

An Interview With Sherry Wolf

by Ron Jacobs / September 29th, 2009

On October 11th, 2009, a march billed as the National March for Equality will take place in Washington, DC. The organizers of the march are organizing under a single demand: “Equal protection in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states.” Their website states their philosophy in an equally succinct manner: “As members of every race, class, faith, and community, we see the struggle for LGBT equality as part of a larger movement for peace and social justice.” One of the speakers at the march will be author and organizer Sherry
Wolf. As I wrote in a review of her recently released book Sexuality and Socialism: “No other work that comes to my mind explains the history of sexuality and sexual repression in the United States as comprehensively and compellingly.” Wolf is currently touring the United States talking about her book and organizing for the October 11th march. I was able to get in touch with her while she was in Boston and we had the following email exchange.

Ron Jacobs: Hi Sherry. To begin, can you tell the readers about the March for Equality? What is the impetus behind it? Who put out the original call?

Sherry Wolf: David Mixner, who worked as an Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LBGT) liaison in the Clinton administration and Cleve Jones, Harvey Milk’s collaborator and who launched the Names Project AIDS Quilt, put out the call for this march back in June. It was met with horror and opposition from many of the more established, corporate financed national LGBT groups. However, with momentum building at the grassroots, organizations such as Human Rights Campaign and NGLTF thankfully came on board, though they do not run the organizing efforts nor are they shaping the program. This march will not be brought to you by Miller Beer or Citibank!

The (mostly) younger activists at the forefront of mobilizing this march online and on campuses and in communities are sick of the gradualist approach that has dominated our movement for years. The single demand for full equality for all LGBT people in all matters governed by civil law really strikes a chord with activists such as myself and this new generation who find the incrementalist—state-by-state, issue-by-issue—strategy of the LGBT establishment to be a failed one.

RJ: I know that in your book Sexuality and Socialism you talk about the corporatization of the Gay Pride movement and its concurrent moving away from an identification with other disenfranchised and oppressed groups in the US. What would you say is the political identity this march hopes to put forth to the people of the United States?

SW: In a sense, the initiative for this march only underscores the ramifications of my arguments in Sexuality and Socialism. No more crumbs. Enough going hat in hand to Congress and waiting for some tweak in the laws. We want it all!

I got involved in helping to organize this march because I simply find it unendurable that gay politicians like Barney Frank are among the first to argue that demanding equality for LGBT people is the third rail of American politics. This march is about seeking, essentially, to be added to the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and have all of our rights respected once and for all.

We will have the NAACP’s Julian Bond, UNITE Here’s John Wilhelm, young, multiracial new activists like Aiyi’nah Ford, transgender militants and myself, an unabashed socialist, speaking at this march. Though Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper will be playing and speaking, this is not a Hollywood choreographed affair—it has a shoestring budget and will give expression to this new combative mood and anti-corporate sentiment

RJ: To me, the transformation of much of the Left of the 1960s and ’70s from universal movements into a collection of smaller groups fighting their own particular oppression and for their own piece of the American pie is a big part of why the US Left is where it’s at now — where Democrats are considered socialists. Is this phenomenon (which I consider to ultimately be the result of identity politics gone wild) present in the movement for equality? How should leftists counteract this when it appears?

SW: [The first part of your question is answered above, I believe]

I travel a great deal and speak to small and large audiences from Bellingham, WA to Gainesville, FL and I think that those old school ideas are on the wane—in particular among working-class people and those not attending elite universities. The language of Identity politics persists, in a sense, because a new culture and outlook are still embryonic. But when striking Teamsters (Latino and white, all straight) attended an event in Chicago two weeks ago where Cleve Jones spoke to 250+ people about going to the march, everyone was
electrified. The workers gave solidarity to our struggle and the LGBT activists are lending solidarity to their pickets. The May Day protests in many cities this year had LGBT activists carrying rainbow flags—the contingent in Los Angeles where I was that day was very well received by immigrant families.

It’s becoming clearer to more people that the old labor slogan is true: An Injury to One is an Injury to All!

RJ: As you know, I live in North Carolina. Outside of Asheville and a few of the larger cities, there exists a quite obvious homophobia. One sees it on church message boards and bumperstickers and one hears it on the radio and so-called Christian television. This intolerance is quite obvious and, as Beth Sherouse wrote quite articulately in an article that appeared in Counterpunch on August 31, 2009, the fact of this obvious hatred and fear is one reason why LBGT equality must be recognized on a national scale. In her article, she reminds the readers of the federal role in helping end desegregation. Yet, there is another side to that story. The federal government also allowed and encouraged not only segregation, but also fought attempts to roll it back for a long time. I guess my question is — while it is important that federal legislation forbidding discrimination against persons
based on their sexuality be passed, how does the equality movement see any such legislation being enforced?

SW: Beth is right and after reading her piece I made it a priority to add more Southern stops on my current speaking tour. If you look at polls one year after the Virginia v. Loving case ended laws preventing Blacks and whites from marrying in 1967, only 20 percent of whites in the U.S. supported biracial marriages. We obviously can’t wait for bigots to come around before passing equal protections for LGBT people. However, it was the ongoing organizing, teach-ins, marches, rallies and even just the posture of Blacks in this country that altered the political climate.

Today, around 80 percent of all Americans—and more than 95 percent of young people—approve of interracial marriages, according to Gallup. A climate of intolerance to anti-gay and anti-trans bigotry can be advanced by students and workers—regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. All progressives must bring these issues into organizing efforts beyond the LGBT movement—inject them into union contracts, workplace organizing, budget fightbacks, campus mobilizations and immigrant defense campaigns. After all, most LGBT people ARE workers, immigrants, Black, Brown and all these other identities as well. In other words, lesbians have to pay the rent too.

RJ: In your book you insist on the need for the LBGT rights movement to link up with other oppressed groups in the US and fight for all of these groups’ freedom. I was wondering if in your organizing work for the October 11-12 March on Washington, do you see any attempts by other organizers to expand the call to all oppressed groups? Or is there a tendency to limit the organizing to LBGT people? If so, can you explain why you think this is so?

SW: We made a conscious decision not to create a laundry list of demands, but to have one single demand for equality in all matters covered by civil law in all 50 states. The veteran activists involved, myself included, want to strike while the iron’s hot. There is a spirit of struggle among young LGBT people who came of age thinking AIDS isn’t the mass killer that it is and who are waking up after Prop 8 to the fact that our rights are completely dispensable, where they even exist. We can still be legally fired, or not hired, in most states for our sexual orientation and/or gender identities.

Arizona’s governor, for example, just ditched domestic partner benefits. Ohio’s Representative, Lynn R. Wachtmann, some neanderthal from the 75th District wrote to LGBT activists, “If sexual orientation and gender identity and expression are added as protected classes, all those who do not identify themselves in accordance with this lifestyle choice will be discriminated against.” I have never been a single-issue activist in my life — I’m a socialist after all — but at some point we must unequivocally demand an end to this crap once and
for all.

I’m 44, I came of age AFTER Stonewall and before Generation Twitter, I’m from the generation nobody ever bothered to name. I’ve participated in, and in some cases helped lead or initiate divestment campaigns, antiwar, anti-police brutality, pro-abortion, pro-single-payer health care, anti-budget cuts, pro-labor fights, etc. for 26 years. There’s finally a broad fight for LGBT equality and I’d be insane not to leap in with full-force and try to help make it a success.

My greatest hope out of this march is not simply that we win our demand, but that in a poetic reversal of history other struggles take a page from our initiative and mobilize to make demands of the Obama administration. The Stonewall generation had fought for Black civil rights, women’s liberation, against the Vietnam War and, for many, alongside Cesar Chavez for farm laborers for many years before they ever mobilized for their own rights. This time around, it may be possible that through a quirk of history the LGBT struggle could lead
the way for others to ratchet up a fight for genuine universal health care, jobs and an end to the wars and occupations abroad.

RJ: I love it — “the generation nobody bothered to name.” Anyhow, any insights on how the organizing is going? How can people get on board and organize in their community?

SW: The Web site for the march www.nationalequalitymarch.com has a dizzying array of downloadable materials. Go to the site, get the facts, post flyers, send out tweets, post it to Facebook, and by all means everyone should get themselves to the march if they can. Obama has shown that without mass pressure he won’t deliver what we need and want. This march punctuates a turning point of sorts for the LGBT struggle—people who miss out on this protest for civil rights will kick themselves afterwards. Don’t kick yourselves, just come.

RJ: Thanks, Sherry.

–
Ron Jacobs is the author of The Way The Wind Blew: A History of the Weather Underground. His most recent novel Short Order Frame Up is published by Mainstay Press. He can be reached at:  rjacobs3625@charter.net.
Sherry Wolf is the author of– Sexuality and Socialism: History, Politics, and Theory of LGBT Liberation

© 2009 Dissident Voice and respective authors

28 / 09/2009 GFest News: GFest 09 print publicity out TODAY!

From today GFest – gayWise LGBT Arts Festival (known as GFest in short) print publicity is distributed in public spaces in London. The publicity material will be at display stands in London’s arts, LGBT, bars, clubs and cultural venues.

Look out for your own copy of GFest 09 full programme brochure & leaflet (programme summery) at your nearest venue. GFest 09 booking, venues and online booking options are announced in the print publicity.

Now in its third year, GFest is recognised as London’s LGBT and queer cross-arts festival for all.

The festival will take place at various venues in London including Rich Mix,  Cochrane Theater, McKenzie Pavilion in Finsbury Park and The Drill Hall during

9 to 22 Nov 2009.

Full programme online  :

www.gaywisefestival.org.uk

GFest is organised by arts charity Wise Thoughts

www.wisethoughts.org

Bee Eye Oh!

Obsession is like a sound; an air that is about – like the atmosphere that surrounds me when the sun comes out after a dark, intense summer storm. I become enveloped in what I am obsessed with, by choice. I become entranced with the experience of having my cake and eating it too, and having it again, and again, and yet again.

A great deal of what I experience is interpreted through sound; the sound that issues from your lips while I am touching you, the sound of our bodies rubbing together, hot, damp and then wet. I need you to pin me down, just for one frozen moment…

If you practice your own brand of interpreting the world in a logical manner, you will tend to move on to efficacy, no matter what the surface looks like to the world at large. So, while obsession may seem foreign, excessive, or even foolish to some, to me it is a way of studying and interpreting the mundane world, and bringing it into my cornucopia.

There: Having said that, you should realize that I am not interested in short term or quick relations; at least for most of you who send one-liners and cock pictures. I adore the adorations and your impulses to make sexual thrusting out into the virtual abyss; you don’t bother me at all… it is amusing.

I have experimented with submissions – as a sub: willful, conscious submissions; giving my mind, my will and my body for the use of another. I have experimented as an informal Domme and enjoyed the innocent submissions of others, as it was woven into the fabric of our D/s experiments.

I feel that setting up a submission scene itself is like playing the hand of The All And Everything in a way, or perhaps becoming an extention of the hand of nature; the submission scene creates an aura of intense sexual heat, and feels like the creative solar energy that basks us after that summer storm.

We live in non sensory times. People are disassociated from their anima, their animus. Perhaps the only possible way to connect again is to submit and be governed by the will of ‘the other’…

The beginning of my life as a fuck slut.

Erotic story

We stumbled through the front door into the empty house. It was 2am and we were just home from the best night out we had had in a long time. We had hardly wanted to leave our friends house but once the police turned up we knew it was time to leave. As I began the impossible task of removing my four inch heels I watched Emily swaying down the corridor. She was wearing the cutest pink summer dress that complemented her lightly tanned skin and short blonde hair.

“Do you want anything to drink?”, she called back as she entered the kitchen.

“I’ll have whatever”, I shouted as I slipped while trying to find my shoe’ s clasp though my thick black hair.

I heard her bustling around the kitchen when I finally freed myself from my heels. I tiptoed down the hall , feet aching from dancing. I reached the kitchen door and saw Emily‘s back was to me. In my drunken state I just stood there and stared, taking in the view of her gorgeous body. She was average height, quite athletic and took part in many school sports and her figure benefited for it. There was hardly an inch of fat or her toned body, that is excluding her breasts which were the biggest out of all my friends. I had been highly jealous of them for years. When I first met her in first year she was already a busty 34B. Now I swear she must have been at least a E! Thankfully over the years I had filled out to a 32DD but it had been a long time coming!

I had been contemplating all of this in my mind without noticing she had turned around and I was staring straight at her boobs. There was a sew seconds before she said;

“Here’s your drink, its coke and rum.”

I snapped back to reality, apologised and we began chatting about all the party’s scandal. After about an hour she suggested we went to the spare room and continued our conversation in bed. I rummaged through my bag in the hall pulling out most of its contents to find I had left my pyjamas at home. I called up to Emily, who had already gone upstairs to get changed , and asked did she have any spare. She called me up and I entered her bedroom. She was half changed when I came in, wearing long pyjama bottoms and a bra, and searching through her drawers for something.

“There!” she exclaimed as she threw something at my face.

I examined the object to find it was an old lacy pink nighty. It had spaghetti string straps and a low scooping neck line and ended to where I guessed would be my mid-thigh.

“I’m not wearing this!” I pouted. Emily gave me a stern look before replying;

“Well its either that or you can sleep naked! Besides none of my pyjamas will fit you you midget!” ,she laughed when she called me a midget but other than that she seemed quite serious so I begrudgingly shuffled into the bathroom to change.

I noticed myself in the full length mirror behind the door. My tight dress clung to my boobs and waist. I stood on my tiptoes to mime wearing heels. In my highest high heels I only reached 5’6. Sighing I stripped down to my panties and pulled on the nighty. I yanked down the end to where I thought it should end and found my boobs were completely exposed. I pulled it back up to a comfortable height to find the lace at the end just managed to cover my ass. I went to storm out of the bathroom at demand a longer nighty when I noticed that every time I moved the material moved further and further up my ass. Grabbing it with both fists I went to confront Emily.

I found her removing her makeup gently in her mirror. Her slow deliberate movements had me spellbound and once again I found myself staring at her. She caught my eye in the mirror and spun around to face me.

“Well, well! Look who’s spicy hot.” she said with a grin.

I remembered what I was doing there and pulled together a jumble of words outlining my discomfort which didn’t make much sense but she understood what I was getting at.

“Ok, ok! If it bothers you that much you can wear one of my dad’s shirts…of course then I’ll have to take it to the dry-cleaners and make sure its ready for when he comes back…” she trailed off into a mumbled as she left the room.

“Wait!” I called out after her. “It’s not that bad I can put up with it, sure we’ll be going to bed soon anyway.”

Emily turned around in the doorway. She seemed to be contemplating her options when an idea hit her.

“I know! You wear that and I’ll let you pick what I wear in bed.”

I scanned her clothing; a baggy t-shirt and long loose pyjama bottoms. Smiling I began rummaging through her drawers for something appropriate. Finally I decided on a tight blue tank top and a matching G-string. She gave me an evil look before disappearing to change.

A minute later she called me into the spare room where two single beds and a TV with a DVD player were set up. She had already climbed into bed under the covers.

“Hey I want to see that outfit on you!” I squealed as I leapt onto her bed and wrestled with the sheets. She put up a good fight and exhausted I climbed into my own bed, disappointed.

We decided on ‘American Pie’ to watch while in bed but when she threw me the case I pretended I couldn’t work her DVD player so she would have to reveal her outfit. When she emerged I watched as her nipples hardened in the cold air and pushed against the thin fabric of her top. The material clung to her perfectly rounded breasts and I had the sudden urge to suck on them until she screamed. As she bent down to put in the DVD I noticed her G-string was just as tight on her pussy as the top had been on her breasts. I could clearly see the outline of her lips, and could I see just the tiniest drop of moisture?

Wait! I snapped back to reality. Was I attracted to my best friend? I was no lesbian and yet here I was drooling over her gorgeous body. I was completely confused when Emily interrupted my thoughts.

“Well?”

“You look stunning hun! Just beautiful!” I gushed.

She blushed and got back into bed to watch the film.

I don’t know what it is about ‘American Pie’ but it always gets me just a little bit horny so by the end there was a definite wet spot on my thong. When Emily got up to turn off the DVD I definitely saw a dark sport on her G-string when she bent down. She got back into bed and we played the usual game of ‘would you rather’. It started off silly enough like; would you rather eat leftovers from ten years ago or kiss the ugliest guy you know in front of you parents. But the themes became more sexual. When I asked Emily; would you rather fuck an old man or lick another girls pussy, she took a moments hesitation before answering “the girl”.

Then I knew I needed to ask her something that had been nagging me for a while.

“Emily? Remember when you were drunk at Sam’s party and kissed Ann in the bathroom? Well I was talking to Sam and she said that it was more than an innocent kiss because she hard that you actually sometimes do that at other parties and well what I’m trying to get at is are you Bi?”

There was a moment of silence.

“I meant if you are that’s no problem with me I wont think any less of you! I would be the first to admit to having some bi-curious thoughts now and then, sometimes even about my friends and I was just thinking if you are, Bi I mean, then maybe you could like use me to see if you really do like girls because I think you’re really hot and I’ll try anything once and…”

My rambling was smothered by a deep kiss. At first I was surprised but I soon found myself wanting more of Emily’s soft lips and probing tongue. As we kissed Emily climbed next to me on the bed and began caressing my face and shoulders. I felt her hand find the straps of my nighty and slowly edge them down my shoulders and arms. As she raised her hand again I moved to give access to my rock hard nipples. She tweaked and rubbed my right nipple first then switched hands and moved to my left nipple. She maintained a grip of my hair so it was difficult to squirm.

The rubbing had my nipples at full attention and she pulled me in close to feel them against her large breasts. I slipped my hands down to the hem of her top to pull it over her head. We broke our kiss and I could take in the beautiful view in front of my eyes.

Her breasts seemed even larger up close and free. Her dark pink areolas contrasted with the light tan of her skin (she must have been tanning topless I realised excitedly). My earlier wish came true as she pushed my head down so my mouth reached the top of her nipple. I eagerly took it in my mouth and began to suck gently. I caught the tip gently between my teeth and she moaned in approval. I continued sucking more feverously while teasing her other nipple with my fingers. Nothing delighted me more than feeling her big soft breast against my skin and knowing that I was exciting her. I kneaded her entire breast like dough until she was nearly screaming with delight. I bit down harder on her nipple and she let out a yelp.

“Ow! Susie. You’ll have to be punished for that!” she said with a grin.

She flipped me onto my back and lay down on top of me. Her breasts were pressing down hard on my chest and as she kissed me I found it difficult to catch my breath. She continued pressing down and kissing my at a faster rate until I was gasping for her to stop. She dragged herself down my body until she reached my thong. She put a finger in the waistband a lifted up my ass with the other hand so it slid off before I even noticed. She knelt on the bed and grabbed my ass cheeks with both hands and raised my pussy to her waiting mouth.

I tried to squirm but her grip was too strong and she soon had her tongue in my wet little hole. She lapped greedily at my juices ignoring my moans of protest. She licked deliberately up my pussy to find my clit. Before I could let a sound escape my lips she had clamped her teeth around it and sucked down hard. I let out a long moan of satisfaction and she sucked harder and jabbed at my defenceless clit with her tongue. Now there was no reluctance in my moans. I vocalised my happiness as I neared orgasm. Just as I reached the edge she pulled back and I immediately went to push my clit back to her mouth but she held me firm.

“Do you want to cum?”

She didn’t need an answer, she could see the desperation in my eyes but I groaned anyway.

“Say you’re my little lesbo slut and you love to cum real hard with a girl” she commanded

“I am you’re lesbo slut and I’ll do anything if you pleeeease make me cum!”

“I will only make you cum if you promise to be my little fuck slave and let me fuck you wherever, whenever”

“I promise I will be you’re fuck slave and I will let you fuck me wherever, whenever! Now please let me cum!”

Satisfied she rammed two fingers into my sopping hole and bit down on my clit. I screamed as a the first wave of my orgasm crashed over my body. Little did I know I would soon regret those words of ‘wherever, whenever’.

Lady Gaga: From Tragic to Fabulous

This is for all you Lady Gaga fans out there (and I know there are hordes of you). I found this little gem over on Towleroad. Ever wonder what Lady Gaga looked and sounded like before all the glam, glitter and fashion? Y’know… the days when she went by Stefani Germanotta and had tragic hair? Or when she actually played instruments and maybe even wrote her own lyrics (le gasp, right?)?

Well now you can see it in all it’s terrifying glory thanks the the wonders of YouTube. Make sure to check it out, after the jump.

A wonderful surprise...

Today is the 4 month anniversary of my marriage to my wife. It has been a wonderful 4 months, and I am so looking forward to forever with my sweetheart. Today I left a card in her purse so that she could find it when she got to work. It turns out she saw it before she got to work. I wanted to surprise her…instead of just given the card to her when we got up this morning.

When I got home from work, she was cooking dinner. It smelled wonderful in the house. It was a great treat for me, because I usually do the cooking. So, to come home and have her making a meal for me, it felt really good. She was making lasagna. She bought wine, garlic bread and salad. It was a wonderful dinner!

I am so looking forward to what is in store for the two of us. I often sit and think about how our lives will be when we have children. She loves children, and she is wonderful with them. So, I think of how we’ll raise our children, what our challenges will be as a lesbian couple raising children. I don’t know the answer to any of this, but what I do know is that I have a strong, loving woman by my side, and I am so thankful for it!!!

Happy Anniversary babe!!! I love you.

London's gay art festival announces ambitious programme

We are proud to announce 2009 programme of GFest – gayWise LGBT Arts Festival (known in short as GFest), London’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender cross-art festival. For full programme & booking info : http://www.gaywisefestival.org.uk GFest 09 dates: 9 to 22 November 2009. GFest is organised by arts charity Wise Thoughts. GFest 09 is supported by venues, community partners and the Mayor of London. Niranjan Kamatkar, artistic director of Wise Thoughts, an arts charity who organises GFest said, “Now in its third year, GFest 09 features the work of both established and emerging talent. We have taken some risks in selecting work that will challenge audiences. We are really proud and thrilled to announce its ever-expanding greater artistic contents.” Please help us to promote GFest 09 programme by forwarding a word among your friends and networks. Many thanks & see you at GFest 09 events. Niranjan Kamatkar – Artistic Director & GFest 09 Team WISE THOUGHTS / GFest – gayWise LGBT Arts Festival www.wisethoughts.org / www.gaywisefestival.org.uk

"when you're pregnant, i'm sending you to your parents' for nine months"

i am apparently one of these when i'm sick. (my fave mug in our kitchen, btw. so funny, right??)

thanks, babe. thanks. i really appreciate that.

if you hadn’t already guessed, it was my lovely unlawfully-wedded partner who said that to me. only days ago. as i lay groaning in bed from a cold/flu type thing, which i undoubtedly must have caught in “room 618,” the room where they can ppl at my former place of work (i must give a shoutout to the ex-colleague/friend that pinpointed where we picked it up; she got it, too. HOLLA!)

so. apparently i’m a bad patient.

“you’re worse than a man!” holly says to me each and every time i get sick. [apparently men are bad patients? she was married before (yes, to a man, and yes, if she lets me i will tell you a little more about that in my book) so i guess she'd know.]

and i’m like (cough, sniffle), “babe! cut me slack! i don’t (cough, gag, etc.)…i don’t feel good!”

“i know you don’t feel good! you tell me every five minutes!” she said sometime over the past few days. “ i swear, woman, when you’re pregnant, i’m sending you to your parents’ for nine months!”

this, despite its ridiculousness (wait, honey, you’re joking right?? right?), made me laugh extremely hard. somehow i don’t think anyone would be ok with this plan except holly.

so yeah. i was sick. in case you were wondering where i was. which you probably weren’t. but still.  

“you probably have swine flu,” my mom said casually to me over the phone on friday.

“mom, i don’t have swine flu,” i said.

“you might. i mean, you probably do. maybe just a mild case. but it’s probably the swine flu.”

a mild case of the swine flu. oh mom. mothers. you know? i know you know. (esp. if you have a jewish mother.)

anyhow, it knocked me flat on my ass from thursday afternoon til today, pretty much. but in a way, it felt kind of good. like, cleansing. like all the bad stuff that built up in me over the past miserable year and a half of my four-year stay at FPOE (former place of employment; i’ll just call it that from now on, much easier) just kind of exploded and now it’s over. it also gave me a chance–more like forced me–to take it easy. tho i enjoy stopping to enjoy, say, a cup of coffee, i so rarely take it truly easy. nothing like a whopper of a cold to force you to slow the hell down.

one thing i started doing again (haven’t done this in a longlong time) while i was sick–and something i will continue doing, i am happy to say–is read. i love reading memoirs. especially effed up druggie/rehab/bad childhood memoirs, probably b/c it makes me feel really really ok and normal. [i can thank augusten burroughs, author of "running w/scissors," (bad bad childhood), "dry" (alcoholism/rehab) and "wolf at the table" (homicidal father; i read the entire thing on saturday)  for my fascination w/these books.] now i’m onto “a million little pieces,” despite all the controversial re: it’s authenticity.

why am i telling you this? i’m telling you b/c as i was calmly, quietly (yes, i can be quiet. sometimes. anyway) reading “a million little pieces” last night (holly, sitting on the floor in front of the couch, was doing homework-type stuff; she’s back in school in case i never mentioned it), we heard a sound. a sound we became all too familiar with over the cold months. a sound that, when i heard it while holly was a school last semester, i swore i thought something was gonna pop outta the damn wall and hiss and bear its teeth at me.

we muted the tv. (we were listening to the radio or something) we heard it again. louder.

we looked at each other, wide-eyed. after a moment we looked at each other again and shrugged.

“it’s probably just a mouse,” i said. nothing we can’t handle. we’ve dealt w/this crap before. if you live in baltimore, esp. in a rowhouse where you share ancient walls with potentially filthy and/or ancient neighbors.

we put the tv back on. the noise started again.

“MUTE THE TEEVEE,” i said in my most loud jewish whisper (you know, the kind you reserve for synogauge when you’re talking about how short someone’s skirt is).

we listened. nothing again. the tv went back on. then we heard the sound louder than we have ever ever heard it. i didn’t need to tell holly to mute it again, she did it w/out me saying a word. we listened, paralyzed with fear. i’m telling you, you guys would have sh*t your pants. the noise came closer
and closer
and closer…

and then…

it SQUEAKED.

then we screamed.

“HONEY. HONEY OH MY G-D IT’S A RAT. HONEY IT’S A RAT!!!!”

“IT’S IN THE VENTILATION!” holly shouted.

“OH MY G-D!” i screamed back, while i turned off the entire hvac (heating/ventilation/air-conditioning) system. well more like i turned it off and then on and them off again while i screamed and jumped up and down and freaked the hell out and shook.

it scurried again some more and stopped.

it probably wasn’t a rat. it probably was a mouse. i mean, who the hell knows. they’ve got to sound louder when they’re in huge industrial-grade metal exposed hvac pipes.  in any case, i’m tired of dealing w/this sh*t on our own. it’s time to bring in the big dogs. it’s time for a serious exterminator b/c i have had it.

i’ve pretty much had it w/everything lately. between the effing rats out back, the mice inside and out, the feral cats (we have caught quite a few; i’ll also leave that for the book) and, oh, i don’t know, witnessing a bunch of guys jump out of a car and kick the living sh*t out of some of our neighbors across the way (we called the police; unfortunately, this wasn’t the first or even the second time we’ve seen something like this go down late at night pretty much in front of our house), and the open-air drug market across the street, i don’t think either one of us is going to last much longer in this city. i’m really starting to lose my cool.

i just…we just. we need a break. you know? we need a goshdarn break.

altho, for the first time in my entire life,  i had to skip rosh hashanah services (over the weekend) b/c i was so sick, i really do feel like we will somehow get a break this year (jewish, i.e. lunar, year) and things will get better.

 ”bad things come in threes, right?” my mom said over the phone last night when i called to tell her what was going on. “that’s what they say, right? and then things start getting better.” (tho i must say she doesn’t know the half of it. no one really does save for holly and i)

while we’re way past three (again, the book), i’ve got to hope so. in the meantime, i’m just glad i’m not a disgusting infectious ”room 618″ mess anymore. i have cleansed myself of my FPOE and i. am ready. to rumble.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I have had enough.  I drunkenly said so much I have been bottling up to her two Friday nights ago, then Saturday – somehow – she opened up to me a little more.  Even just that little bit gave her such a glow and a lightness in her step… it was beautiful.  She is beautiful.  I haven’t felt that close to her in a very long time.  It felt so good, I wanted us to be like that (and more) forever.  I know, though, that opening up is a process.  It didn’t last forever.  It didn’t last more than a week.  She closed up again.  Last night, however, she opened up a peek once more to ask questions about my support and what it means.  I tried explaining, and eventually I think she somewhat got what I mean.  She was very sexually charged yesterday (and the past few days).  More and more, however, it’s been more of a lesbian sexual charge.  It came down to last night: she started watching lesbian porn on her laptop next to me in bed, I started watching with her.  It started to get hot.  She started masturbating, and it got even hotter.  When one girl in the video started to go down on the other, I started to go down on Hailey.  For the first time ever, Hailey was super sexed up and ready for sexy fun times, and yet she stopped me.  She said no.  She wanted to have the female fantasy instead of me.  Lately, it’s been a female fantasy with me, and that’s been pretty hot.  Now, she preferred a lesbian fantasy instead of me.  I don’t know how to feel other than rejected.  Am I being too sensitive?  Should I understand that sometimes she’ll want just a lesbian fantasy, and that’s ok?  But she gets that alot when I’m not around.  Is she moving away from being bisexual to full on lesbian?  Is she still bisexual, but no longer attracted to me?  I don’t know what to feel…

Is hoopz gay?

The Femme has been hearing a variety of speculations about whether “I love money” winner, Hoops is gay or bisexual or just what exactly is going on. While I like to make belive she’s gay (dont we all wish), im not so sure after watching an interview she did with LGBT fam Studology101. This friday, Hoopz will be hosting a party thron by the House of Bigyo, and im hoping I will get to investigate the story myself!

Planet Q TV server will be down for server migration this week

We will be taking the Planet Q TV server down this week as we begin the migration over to another server.  Please bear with us over the next week  as you will not be able to access the site.  When we are done, this enhancement to the site will allow us to triple x 3 the number of videos and other services we can offer.

Thanks for your patience.

Thomas (Official Content Producer – Click Click Expose)

Just When You Thought You Couldn't Get Enough....

That’s right people. Integration is coming at you this Friday night for one time only! No more excuses that you have to work the next day or go to school. Here is your chance to dance the entire night away at the hottest gay dance party in the Valley. It’s going to be the same cover, same drink specials and the same great vibe that you’re used to every Wednesday night…just on Friday!

Remember this is ONE TIME ONLY. Integration will continue it’s regular schedule of Wednesday nights every week.

so i cleaned out my office today

my office, last day, 2009.

and, honestly, it was a little weird. more than that, it made me incredibly sad.

i know i joke around a lot. and i’ve been a miserable sonuvagun there for quite some time. i didn’t think i’d feel all that bad packing up and leaving it all behind.

it was weird having to coordinate my visit w/the hr director at the place i’ve worked for four years. and it was weird having everyone look at me with…just so much sadness in their eyes. and getting hugs (tho i did appreciate them) from folks i’ve barely touched on the arm.

the executive hallway i sat in was so quiet. and a couple of those executives were there–including those that made the decision about who would go and who would stay (there were quite a few of us let go on monday). they knew i was there. i knew they were there. one called when holly–who came w/me, thank goodness–and i were taking my stuff off the wall, out of drawers and off shelves, all that was left of my 40-hr-a-week life there.

“hello?” i said, expecting a friendly voice. i thought maybe a buddy had seen me enter the building, and maybe wanted to stop by and see me off. but no.

“uh, hello?” said the male voice, which i immediately recognized. i heard his voice echo down the hall, just slightly off-beat from the voice over the phone. the man that dropped the bombshell on my whole world monday morning. the man that never really kept it a secret that he didn’t want me, or my boss (also laid off), there to begin with. he was only steps away in his office.

“who is this?” he said, sounding shocked and pretty darn irritated.

“this is jessica,” i said, barely keeping my composure. oh how i wish i could have shot poisoned darts thru the phoneline.

“oh,” he spat out with an uncomfortable laugh. “what…what are you doing here?”

i felt like saying, dude, grow a set and come talk to me 10 feet down the hall!

“i’m cleaning out my office,” i spat back. (hey, why hold it in? i’m already canned.) suddenly it occurred to me that it was weird he was calling. why are you calling my number?? he answered my question before i could ask it.

“i’m, i’m just checking your voicemail,” he said.

“ok then! goodbye!” and i smacked the phone down. the same way i used to when i was a community reporter after dealing with a particularly obnoxious interviewee.

i noticed i was shaking, just the tiniest bit.

“honey calm down,” holly said. “let’s just do this.”

and so we did.

off came the framed madonna albums off the wall. down came the pink flamingo lamp. my collection of snowglobes. the ramones posters. photos of holly and her sisters. pencil drawings by my sweet little niece. down came everything.

this was really over.

we talked to a woman i’ve grown particularly fond of over the years. i joke w/her that she’s my office mom. she is one of the classiest women i know. she has always been so kind to me. always, always so kind. and when my own family didn’t seem all that interested in hearing the details of our wedding plans, she was.

she was the first person i showed pictures of what would later become my wedding dress (which i had made for me by a seamstress here in baltimore). she oohed and ahhed and gave me exactly what i needed last summer. she was so supportive. i will always be thankful to her for that. more than she’ll ever know.

she was also the first one i told about my layoff monday. i walked into her office and didn’t have to say a work. she already knew. and she gave me a good strong hug.

“i’m sorry,” she said, looking as if she might cry. i sniffled and we hugged again.

she walked us out, and there was something about having her see us to the door–even tho i’ve pretty much, despite financial concerns, been pinching myself that my monday thru friday nightmare is finally over–that made me want to just break down right there. i don’t want anyone reading this to think i’m sad. i’m not. it’s just…i don’t know. something deep w/in me cracked.

but i didn’t cry. the tears came as we walked out, arms full of the last couple bags, to holly’s waiting jeep out front, but i didn’t let them out.

the lady at the front desk gave me a big hug, too. gosh, she’s nice.

“don’t be sad,” i instructed her. “you’ll be hearing about me.”

“i know,” she said. “i know i will.”

i tried to swallow the huge lump that developed in my throat as we opened the doors and got in the car. it was unusually warm for this time of year, it felt like, and the car was hot inside. i noticed i was in a sweat. i wiped my brow and put on my seatbelt. we opened the windows.

we went to the supermarket. we went to lunch. the lump quickly faded as i saw the daytime crowd at trader joe’s (many adorable old ppl, i must say) and hip moms with kids at starbucks (really too cute; hopefully me sometime soon?). i started looking at everything with new eyes. this is what went on when i was in that windowless office for all those years, i thought. people living.

and it was all of the sudden that a completely unfamiliar feeling swept over me: i’m going to be able to live, too.

i took holly’s hand in mine, and we drove home, silently relishing this new time together. awake (we spend most of our time together asleep, i’ve realized) and ready, as always, for whatever life brings our way.

Diversity vs. Unity? Seriously?! How Anonymous Blog Comments Can Give Me An Aneurysm

I received an email in the middle of my sociology class today from AKM of Mudflats (I know that her name is on record nowadays, but I’m a proud mudpuppy and she will always be referred to on this site as AKM). She was concerned over a comment on her announcement of the True Diversity Dinner, in which I am a cosponsor, co-founder, and will serve as master of ceremonies, and was gracious enough to alert me. Let’s go through it together, shall we?

“It’s sad that you do not understand Diversity, and have chosen to politicize Mayor’s Diversity Month. As Danny Glover noted recently while visiting Anchorage, Diversity is more than cultural, it includes age, religion, gender identity, and diversity of thought. You seem to think that you know what true Diversity is, and those who have different values or ideas don’t. Too bad, your uniformed rant diminishes the Diverse communities of Anchorage.”

The writer of this comment, who identified himself only as “LivesDiversity”, raises a few questions. Luckily, I have a few suggestions as to answers.

First off, Danny Glover also said, during his visit to Anchorage:

“We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us; the community stands on the shoulders of its senior citizens,” Glover said. “We’ll see progress when there is this influential dialogue between young people and seniors — and I would love to see more of that.”

Well, given that Danny Glover fully feels that  “legalizing homosexual marriage [is a step] in the right direction, and… consistent with the sense of ‘justice’ the civil rights movement has fostered in America,” [CNSNEWS.COM] how do you think he would receive the Mayor’s refusal to allow the passage of AO-64, and testimony comparing homosexuality to the Nuremberg experiments?

Oh, how fickle quotes can be!

LivesDiversity continues:

“Mayor Sullivan supports and embraces Diversity: I’ve witnessed it many times.”

Right. Kind of like how Max Baucus supports and embraces health care reform. What else you got?

“The $60 ticket cost for the Unity Dinner, and proceeds from the silent auction, support community diversity events through out the year. The funds are managed by United Way as part of Mayor’s Diversity/United Way. So, keep rallying people to come to your event to swill beer and stuff their faces and pat themselves on the back because they know REAL Diversity! Let’s see: support an event that celebrates and promotes Diversity througout the year, or support a self-centered ‘We Know Best’ event.

“Not much of a choice for me. As an original member of the Anchorage Diversity Advisory Commission (appointed by former Mayor Begich who I worked for at City Hall), as an officer of the Anchorage NAACP Branch and former Community Council President of one of the two Anchorage neighborhoods which are less than 50% white, I will be at the Hilton on September 25th, embracing and celebrating Diversity in Anchorage.”

Ouch, my head hurts. First, the issue of the $60 single ticket price.

Anything catch your eye there? Sure, I spent a pretty penny for Lion King tickets, but my wife and I bought the tickets when they first went on sale; we had a chance to save up for it. There was major planning involved. You shouldn’t have to plan six months out to be included in a community outreach event.

And United Way’s involvement in this? They pay for the dinner. We will have representation from United Way at the True Diversity Dinner as well. One of our cosponsors works for United Way. And a formal invitation was sent to the NAACP. This is an open event for all, and by all, I don’t just mean a fraternity of ‘who knows best.’ If anything, I would call it an expanding community of ‘who knows each other.’ And that makes me damned proud to be a part of it.

And the most offensive quote in the entirety of your comments: “So, keep rallying people to come to your event to swill beer and stuff their faces and pat themselves on the back because they know REAL Diversity!”

Please refrain from trying to reduce us to a collection of gluttonous alcoholics. And “Real” diversity? Sir, how do you usually go about the business of moving mountains?

“Kudos to Mayor Sullivan for celebrating and honoring Diversity, while including an event that celebrates our common humanity. After all, genetically we are all 99.9% alike. I guess that make you my brother even if you are uneducated regarding true Diversity.

It’s too bad that you chose to diminish an event which Senator Begich considers one of his greatest accomplishments as Mayor.”

Senator Begich didn’t have anything to do with the “Unity Dinner.” And while we all may be 99.9% alike genetically, there is a vast societal disparity in reference to our incomes and protections.

This uneducated brother is offended by your remarks.

does anyone want to start a band??

cause, like, i have the time now. to practice and strategically rip my jeans and plan a tour and stuff. since i’m laid off now. i probably could write good lyrics (being a writer and all) and i kind-of-sort-of play the electric bass, which i have in our basement. i mean, i’m halfway there already, with the rock look and black clothes and bangs and whatnot. plus i’m sure i can look menacing. also hott. (but in a non-threatening way so the tweeniebopper parents will let the kids download our hit singles. and then we can finance our-soon-to-be expensive pedicure/iced coffee-triple-soy-latte habit w/out worry.)

any takers??

the only catch is that i don’t really drink. or smoke. and the jewish thing kind of throws a wrench into the whole tattoo thing. and i’m incredibly responsible and like waking up early and get a lot of headaches and low blood-sugar all the time.

oh wait: i’m actually a huge dork.

 ha. ok, forget it. dressing in black and wearing baltimore tattoo museum t-shirts every other day is actually easier. plus, hello! rockstars can’t get low bloodsugar! unless you’re type 1 diabetic brett michaels. and he’s a big ol slut anyway.

Lesbians: Fantasy and Reality

Mike wrote: “Those lesbians are mad that they have breasts instead of chest hair. They want to be men, and they’re mad that they get “stereotyped” in with the other 99% of women who actually want to be women.”

I agree that some lesbians want to be men, but some are just lesbian because they can’t get a man due to being so unattractive.

Men claim they like lesbians, but they don’t. They just like polygamy. You want multiple straight girls.

As a result, there’s confusion in what one may expect in a lesbian bar.

This is a lesbian fantasy:

And this is a lesbian reality, the kind of women you get to see at the National Organization for Women.

Scary.

Desperate Women

Last night the worst sex partner of my life tried to contact me yet again.

It was a one night stand.

Now, I know I’m not the most sympathetic person in the world.  In fact, a friend of mine is quoted to have said, “Trying to get sympathy from you is like squeezing water from a stone.”   As much as I love that she said that about me, we know I’m not the most frigid person either (…don’t we…).  So I could feel for her if we had hooked up a few times and suddenly I gave her the cold shoulder (hmm, sounds like my situation with Mr. Postman).

But that’s not what happened.  We hooked up ONCE.  And I hated it.  Although I may have been all smiles and said, “Oh yeah, sure we’ll hang out again,”  I was lying.  Why would I roll out of bed with you and tell you, “Wow, that was awful.  Please don’t call me again.”  That’d be pretty rude.

But I feel like after the second time she called and I didn’t respond, she should have understood that I was over it.  In fact, one of those times I accidentally answered the call, immediately clicked the END button, and then ignored her attempt to call again.  But no – she didn’t get it.  Last night around eleven she sent me a text saying:

Hey mama! u forgot bt me? wanted to knw if u wanna get together wth my boyfriend an me? we wana mk dinner at my hs an invite u….

I’m at the point now where I feel like I should respond.  I don’t want to completely blow her off.  I feel like that’s bad karma and will come back to haunt me.  But my initial reaction and most honest response would be, “HELLLLL NO.”  The thought of her and her boyfriend who I have never met but imagine him to be a big, burly, and unattractive black man brings traces of my greasy Wok Crazy back into my throat.

Maybe I should just continue ignoring her, but there has to be away to politely but firmly say:

Listen babe.  We are never going to see each other in a romantic or sexual setting ever again.  Ever.

Is that gentle enough?

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

PFLAG September Meeting

PFLAG Tulare and Kings Counties is a volunteer group of parents, family and friends of people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT). We welcome members of the GLBT community to our meetings and membership. We meet on the third Sunday of each month.

Location: Family HealthCare Network

305 East Center Street (Corner of Bridge Street)

Visalia

(Use the courtyard entrance on Bridge. Pedestrian gate is in the alley.)       Next meeting: Date: Sunday, September 20, 2009, 3 – 5 pm Program: HIV Awareness & Education 

• Pat Sabatier, RN, will discuss prevention, testing and medication.
• Allison Lee, SSW, will cover services available to HIV+ patients.

Both represent the Tulare County Health & Human Services Agency’s HIV Program.

  Refreshments will be served.

www.pflag-tulare-kings.org

 

Fairy Tale Fists

My last visit with Mistress was similarly abridged, unfortunately.  Trying to coordinate our 3 busy schedules is torture in and of itself.  But she and I were able to set aside a few minutes in anticipation of trying out the new tongue stud as well.  For her I broke out one of my new tickler studs.  We threw off our clothes, wanting to waste no time and fell into each others arms.  I tried to be patient, to tease, to run my tongue over her ear, around her nipples and other sensitive places on her body.  But it had been nearly a month since I tasted her sweet nectar and the excitement was way too much for me.

In hindsight I think I might have done better to save the novelty tongue rings for later, because I found it a bit hard to control.  I was so used to feeling my way around to the hot spots but the tickler made it hard to tell what I was doing due to its large size.  But I’m sure she doesn’t mind letting me get in some more practice.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to write in detail about what we do…I get so lost in the ecstasy and in tune with her body that it’s almost like I cease to exist, my mind tunes out and I am simply a vessel for pleasure.

I do remember, however when she flipped me over and started working her finger magic on me.  I was already soaking wet from the stimulation of eating her pussy, so her fingers slid easily inside me and started stroking the magical G-spot.  There are so many erogenous zones for me but the G-spot causes me nearly more pleasure than I can bear.  My head rolls back, my back arches, and sounds come out of me that I barely recognize.  Complete loss of control is the only way I can describe it.  Combine that with the full feeling of her little fist inside of me and I don’t even know my name anymore.

Once she got her fist inside of me she positioned herself over me and started playing at different ways of hurting me.  A little bite there, a little pinch here.  When her hand reached for my neck, I felt myself squirting again.  She played the edge just a little, squeezing more, restricting my breath just barely.  A fleeting thought came through my head that she was going to send me off to work with a hand-shaped bruise on my neck.  But bliss and emotion overcame any reservations I might have about that.  Squirting again and again, I could barely breathe but as I felt her body on top of me, her pleasure rising in her as well I became astounded at the connection I felt, at the amount of love I had for her and she for me.  As I whimpered and struggled for breath, I lived only for her.  And unlike Jason my “casual” friend, we shared out bond both emotionally and physically.  It gave a whole new dimension to the play, a whole new reason to take the pain and give her pleasure.

If I hadn’t had to run off to work I probably would have cried in her arms.  I know I can’t be hers forever, we have places to go and things to do in our lives.  But I want to savor every moment, to feel the love between us grow, to watch her blossom into an exquisite Domme right before my very eyes.

Of course both Master and Mistress have left me with a terrible hankering for a spankering.  It pains me to think that I don’t know the next time my ass might be properly sore.

[Via http://freedbyfetters.wordpress.com]

Excellent news about Tameside's LGBT 'Out Loud' youth group's contribution to the 'Team Together' challenge

Young people from Tameside Youth Services LGBT Out Loud youth group recently won a residential for their group through participation in the ‘Team Together’ challenge event at the launch of an inspiring new youth organisation. Tameside Out Loud has been established for three years, it is a service for all young people age 14-21 across Tameside who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. The service offers one to one support and a weekly group session where young people have the opportunity to take part in wide ranging activities.

The group worked with Youth Discovery Ventures, a new third sector organisation who deliver innovative projects to raise the aspirations of young people. Over four weeks the young people explored the theme of equality and diversity through creative arts and photography.

Their work was then featured in an exciting exhibition, performance and celebration event that took place at the Zion Arts Centre in Manchester on 26th/ 27th June 2009. At the event Tameside Out Loud competed against other youth projects from across the Northwest to complete a number of team challenges, judged around some of Youth Discovery Ventures core values of Activism, Respect and Leadership.

For more information on Tameside Out Loud contact Lisa.Matthews@Tameside.gov.uk 07967 440952. To contact Youth Discovery Ventures email youthdiscoveryventures@yahoo.co.uk or check out their exhibition website at www.somethingmorethanordinary.co.uk

[Via http://proudtameside.wordpress.com]

9/12...AWARD WINNING LAUGH with DORAZ*

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!’

Another awesome award was designed by my blogging friend, PURPLE HATTER. He has got designing down pretty well, in my opinion!! Be sure to stop by and check him out!! Thanks for the great award! LAUGHTER is my sanity!

[Via http://laughwithdoraz.wordpress.com]

PUSSY IN THE PULPIT

By MYDNITE ANGEL 2009

Putting on your pastoral garments

She helps you fix your hair & make-up

She adjusts your robe

& You adjust hers

A soft kiss on the lips for good measure

You get in your car

& she gets in hers

Both off to church

Cuz you shouldn’t be late

For the pulpit

Preaching & teaching the word of god

In your $200 stilettos

She’s in her linen dress

Trying not to look mussed

Cuz your girl just did you

You just got it in

Getting each other off

Before you had to go preach Sunday morning

Ministering to your congregation

With fresh pussy scent on your breath

Trying to concentrate on the word

So you won’t flashback

To the all night & early morning sex-capade

Nipples tingling

Clit dripping

Trying not to get wet again

Talking about Daniel

Loving a woman

But hiding behind a pulpit

Standing high and mighty

Yelling bout Adam & Eve

Not Adam & Steve

Itching to get back Home

So you could suck her off

On the kitchen floor

Asking her to be your guest speaker

So you can fuck her with your strap-on

Between services

Praying nobody hears

That risk

Getting you off time & time again

Watching your pussy

Preach from the pulpit

[Via http://mydniteangel.wordpress.com]

Altered Images.

People change. People die. The Earth changes. Seasons change.

And of course, one day the world will end. The sun will explode, and everything that you think you know is just no longer relevant. Ironic? Sure. Tragic? Of course. However, it’s only as tragic as you allow it to be.

People come, they go. You mourn, you live. People die probably every five seconds, but you don’t cry at how frail the human race is. And that my friends, is not even the point of this blog. Death is a always a vital issue, but not right now.

Yeaaaah… So, really what the point of this blog is:

How people change, or just really change in general. For the best or worst. It happens, and hopefully you learn. But in truth, nobody really wants to learn anything. Learning is accidental. Do you think the caveman decided, “You know what I want to learn today? I would just LOVE to learn how to make fire. Huzzah, I have made fire. I am God.”

Everyday, I want to change. Be a better person, dress differently. All of the above.

I’m actually starting to think that I’m just always going to be unhappy with what I have. That there could always be something better. Maybe it’s just all about the chase, you know? Maybe it’s once I get what I’m after, that it’s officially worthless to me. Now, who do I sound like? I’m acting very similar to a womanizing, barhopping lesbian/man(that also has the attention span of a Parakeet.)

It’s like the thing I’m chasing after, starts chasing after me. And all I want to do is runaway from it.

Insightful. Weird. … Yeah…

[Via http://theonlygreatone.wordpress.com]

Sex and the Kitty : A Column About Living With Love

Space. The final frontier. When you are in a relationship, how much space is appropriate?

Happiness is sharing your life with the one you love. And part of building that life together is spending a lot of time together. There are the long talks, the movies together, the shopping together, the road trips, the walks… but just how much time should you devote to the relationship? How much time should you devote to your relationship with yourself?

It’s interesting that most of the friends I’ve talked to about this say that a part of them is either dormant or seemingly gone when they are in a relationship.

This is puzzling because when you are in love and someone loves you, shouldn’t they love you for who you are? And if you’re letting a vital part of yourself get lost in the shuffle, how can you say that your lover really loves you?

The question has been on my mind for the last few days.

You need time for you. Time alone to read, write, watch trashy tv and eat junk food, go to your favorite cafe and read, nap, or do whatever it is that your “single behavior” used to be.

If you can’t get in touch with yourself at least once a day, you quickly begin to see the effects. You may start to resent the one you love because they’re taking all your time. You may start to think (even subconsciously) that the whole relationship is about them.

And how can you blame them if you allow this to happen?

Each day, we must allow time to be by ourselves. To examine our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and refocus on our goals and ambitions.

Start by having an honest conversation with your lover. Just be careful how you say things, because some guys and gals take the word “space” to be a pitstop on the way to BreakUpVille.

I suggest the honest approach. Just say that you need to focus on yourself for a little bit. Say that you love him/her very much and that you just need time to yourself, and that you’ll be back shortly.

When you do, bring them back something cute like a small gift or write them a note.

When you spend time alone you also realize how lucky you are that you have someone to take time away from.

[Via http://queerfresno.com]

Tonex... and being honest...

Somewhere between being half asleep and awake…I laid listening when something so impacting caught my attention.  I was forced to turn over and pick up my son’s laptop to see who was talking.

Taking up my broken glasses and trying as best as I could to fix them upon my nose…I glared into the monitor screen of the laptop.

I have heard many conversations on being gay…involved in the homosexual lifestyle…but none as touching or as honest as Tonex’s  discussion with Lexi. 

Now, for those of you who do not know who Tonex is…well he is a young gospel recording artist…now turned pastor and gospel artist.   And Lexi is a gospel recording artist with a talk show on the Word Network…a black religious television channel…which I catch by viewing it over the internet.

This season Lexi has set about making her show more sustance  filled…hitting hot topics and talking to people in the black religious world talking about hot and usually taboo issues within the black church.

So, I was awaken and drawn into the discussion wondering who I was listening to talk about having been abused as a very young child at the age of 3 then again at 6.  But claring that the choices he had made in his life…that he did not want to put them off upon the circumstances of his abuse as a child.  And that is what made me really start listening to the program.

Oftentimes, people go about playing out their lives and doing things which they want to blame because of past things in their lives.  It is easy to say-

“I did it because of what I had experienced as a child.”

Imagine what kind of world we would be living in if we all set about doing things because of  thing in our past.

We have all experienced things.  Things that we may or may not have shared with anyone else or  even our parents.  My 2 experiences as a very young child, I never spoke a word of it to my parents.  For what reason I do not know. 

I believe as children we feel that certain acts against us are wrong…or that something was not right about it.  Our little minds as a child had no way of quite understanding the acts.  For the most parts we were not even participants…though the act was perpetrated against us.  We felt it…went throught it…but could not wrap our little minds around it (what had happened).

Some became marked by it early…and started acting out sexually.  But others went on…all the while trying to deal with that hidden secret.  And carried it through their lives…and it marked every experience…every relationship…and every thought that they have had.

What struck me as interesting was how honestly Tonex was able to articulate some very true and highly mis-understood things.  Many outside of the life have no understanding at all of  anything gay…except some mis-concepts that they have developed on the subject.

They fail to understand that not just straight people can develop deep and loving relationships with one another.  And that these relationships can run as deep as any of  those of any person.

But these relationships though the people involved may feel  is right…but yes…it is out of  alignment with the word of God.  The feelings…attractions…etc…are not really real.  It is a spirit.  And this spirit is just as strong as any spirit that can attach itself  to anyone.

And unless God brings you…or them out…they continue to linger in the feeling that what they are doing is alright.  What many do not understand is…is this…that it is through God’s grace and mercy that we are all save.   People say that they believe this… and that they know this.  But they don’t… not really.

It is through His love that we who have come out…have emerged from the lives that we once lived (be it drug abuse, adultery, fornication, lying, stealing, lesbanism, homosexuality etc…).  Because without Him none of us would have come out of anything.

I admire people who are honest.  That whole on the DL thing…on down-low thang…distrubs me.  Because it is littered with lies…and deception.  It thrives based upon falsehoods…and may times denial.

I like honest people.  People who know they are battling with something and are looking toward God for deliverance. 

I can see the work that God is going to do in the life of  Tonex…because he is what God loves.   Tonex is someone  who is not afraid to be honest…yet loves  the Lord…and wants Him to do a work in him.  And not ashamed to say-

“I am waiting on Him to do it while I battle living in this thing.”

What a great program that Lexi had with Tonex.  Both she and Tonex through that show did a glorious work.  I am sure that someone fighting to find themself emotionally and sexually…and perhaps has turned against the church for having turned against them…found strenght in that show.  And confirmation of the fact that God is important even in their life…as they continue to battle with the demons that dwell within them. 

But God shall truly give them the victory…if they continue to trust and believe.  And not grow weary.

Love you, Tonex.  Your honesty will fall upon the hearts of many.  And I look forward to continue to see the great works that God is going to truly do through your life and through your honesty.  Many may not understand it…but it is not for the many.  But for those whom God intends to hear it…it shall reach them.  And it will do a work in their hearts.

Married for 4 years, Tonex fought with the demons.  But found that the draw was too great…and eventually came out of his marriage. 

He battled over his singing career though having won many awards…while trying to deal with the demons drawing him.  And for a while turned away from performing and recording.

The demons…the demons.  We fight them everyday.   We all do no matter what they may be…but we fight them.   There are times when we have all submitted ourselves to them.   And if  it had not been for the Lord…we would still all be in them.

It is a subject rarely proached by the black church except as thing of a joke.  But  there is nothing funny about it.   And the problem is in the black church as much as it is everywhere else. ..for the devil has many captives everywhere and in all kinds of  snares.

Since I couldn’t get out to do anything that I really wanted to do today…I stayed home.  Sat out on the porch reading my Bible and then decided to take a nap as I didn’t go to sleep last night until some time after 5 AM this morning as I busy writing another blog…the one before this one.   So, I am a bit tired. 

Hope you had a beautiful day.    

Well, God bless… and enjoy the rest of your evening.

Thank you for reading this blog…and  my others.  Please be sure to continue to share this blog site with your family, co-workers and all your friends… “pass it on…”  www.bsmith101.wordpress.com  ©2009

[http://www.youtube.com/v/qu1MNU08Au0&hl=en&fs=1]

[Via http://bsmith101.wordpress.com]

Vanessa Hudgens NAKED PHOTOS: New Nude Pictures Show Starlet - AGAIN

Vanessa Hudgens’ nude and partially-dressed photos (scroll down) seem to have leaked online again. Naked pictures of a brunette who looks like the “High School Musical” starlet have hit the web, some topless and others with her clad in bikinis and a Zac Efron pin.

Back in 2007 a stark naked self portrait of Hudgens found its way online, with her publicist confirming it was Hudgens by way of a statement saying the photo was private.

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[Via http://celebritymeme.wordpress.com]

The Myth of the Lesbian Avenger

The most shocking thing about the domestic violence that I witnessed and tried to stop last Saturday was the fact that it happened right in front of Dyke Night at a Lesbian-Owned Club. I guess their main concern was just getting the drama off of their door-step, but still…I’ve always thought that if any woman was abused by a man even near a dyke, she would rise-up, like a Lesbian Avenger and bash him down, not coax the woman into her abuser’s car.

How did I get this view? When I was a kid my Mom took me NEWMR, a lesbian music festival. For three days I was surrounded by women of every shape and size rock’n to woman-centric folk, rock and jazz. This weekend was the only time that my over-protective mom gave me free range to wander without supervision. When I got too old for the day care, I would roam through the woods and up and down dealers row learning the features of blue lace agate and tigers eye, and being given small presents by indulgent craftswomen.

Every thing there was dyke this, and dyke that. I didn’t learn that dyke was considered an insult until I got an alarmed response on my third grade essay about “What I Did This Summer.” Dykes were cool, butch, amazonian women who wandered around in leopard print scarves and not much else and chased away any men who tried to get in with baseball bats.

As I got older, I learned not to talk about dykes, but my gut feeling that they were cool, strong women who wouldn’t let no woman take no shit persisted. As a pre-teen I watched a bull dyke intercept a punch meant for a guy’s girlfriend in a hotel lobby. I remember thinking; wow, that woman wouldn’t take no shit, was not afraid to step in to stop a man from hitting a woman.

I will never forget, as a teenager, taking the T to an Ani DiFranco concert. My mom was worried about me by myself downtown, but as I washed towards the concert hall in a sea of beautiful strong women, I felt safe.

This time, when the chips were down, and a woman was being abused, the dyke who stopped it (at least temporarily) was me. I should have decked him.

[Via http://justanotherwhitewoman.wordpress.com]

More Right Wing Disinformation

On September 7, 2009, a letter to the editor appeared in the Visalia Times Delta.  The writer was speaking against support for SB 572, Harvey Milk Day.  As is common for conservatives who rail against anything remotely connected with homosexuality, the writer presented a list of statements about the bill that have no basis in reality.  The online comments were interesting, if you would like to see typical responses, check out www.visaliatimesdelta.com and click on the Opinion link.  The text of the letter, and the response I sent are included here, after the jump.

Thumbs down to our state Legislature. Our state legislature is currently considering SB 572, Harvey Milk Day.

This would be a California state holiday.

It would commemorate Mr. Milk’s life and lifestyle.

School children (our 8-, 9-, and 10- year-old kids and grandkids) would be required to investigate the sordid details of his early life: molestation, sex with minors, and later, multiple sex partners, as well as his later life as a San Francisco supervisor for reports, etc.

I am totally against this bill. I encourage others to contact the governor and have him veto this bill. He vetoed this same bill last year.

Mr. Milk has already been hugely recognized for his achievements: in the gay community, the U.S. Medal of Freedom by our president, induction into the California 2009 Hall of Fame, and Hollywood made a movie about him.

The California Department of Education is against this bill, citing children do not need another day off.

George Moscone, the San Francisco mayor, was also gunned down this day, but nobody hears about this. Why not? He was not gay.

It is horrible that he was shot, but he was not a person deserving of elevation to the status of a state holiday.

NANCY KIRKLAND’

Visalia’

My response:

Nancy Kirkland’s letter (Sept 7) is so full of misinformation and outright falsehoods, I don’t quite know where to start.

The only accurate statements in her letter are the second sentence, where she says “our state legislature is currently considering SB 572, Harvey Milk Day”, and her sixth paragraph. Everything else she writes is wrong.

Nancy erroneously states that children as young as 8 years old would be “required” to “investigate the sordid details” of his life, and then lists a series of items designed to make it seem like the intimate details of Mr. Milk’s sex life would be required reading by third graders.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Any “reports” would be about his political achievements in San Francisco, which were many, and historic.  He was instrumental in the battle to change San Francisco’s at large Council race to district based.  As the first openly gay elected official in the United States, his achievements were historic, and deserve recognition. His struggles to bring political recognition and influence to a previously marginalized segment of the population is worthy of our respect, and study. “Reports” are more High School level study than third grade, but it sounds much more dramatic to claim 8 year olds will suddenly be taught about gay sex than it is to simply state the truth.

Another false statement in Nancy’s letter is that Harvey Milk day will be a state holiday, giving children a day off from school.  This also is not correct.  SB 572 institutes a Proclamation by the Governor each year, recognizing Harvey Milk.   Nobody gets to play hooky from school, or from work.  Age appropriate materials would be available for schools to use in their normal curriculumss to educate children about the political and sociological events surrounding Harvey Milk’s life in San Francisco, and his ultimate assassination by Dan White.

Nancy’s sixth paragraph is correct.  Harvey Milk has been recognized by many for the groundbreaking work he did in the battle for full equality for GLBT Americans.  Recognized by many, but not by the State of California.  It’s way past time that situation was corrected.  Young GLBT Californians need examples of positive role models.  Harvey Milk wasn’t perfect, nobody is, but his struggles, and successes, in the political arena demonstrate that dedication and perseverance to one’s goals can produce great results.

Nancy’s comments about Mayor Moscone’s death being ignored simply because he was not gay is both misinformed, and bigoted.

Mayor Moscone has been recognized for his contributions and achievements, and has a major community center named in his honor.  The Moscone Center is a major public facility in San Francisco.  There is no Harvey Milk Center, however.  So who is  really being ignored, Nancy?

Nancy, and so many others, operate from a position that any statement about homosexuality that is not complete and total

disapproval and disparagement, is “advocating” a “lifestyle” she finds unacceptable. That is not the case, and recognizing a

man for his achievements does not mean everything he ever did in his life must be accepted as a standard for emulation.

In the final analysis, Nancy does not want Harvey Milk recognised simply because he was homosexual.  That’s what makes her a bigot.

Jim J. Reeves, Jr.

Visalia

[Via http://queervisalia.com]

Liquid Heart

Have you ever come across a person in your life where they literally melt your heart? Where at just the briefest glimpse of their hand, hair, arm or face, sends a tide of shivers down your body? When emotions erupt, and the dormant feelings of lust, love and desire develop into a cascade of passion and emotion beyond measure?

I have.

I say this, yet only about two and half years ago I was a complete skeptic at the even existence of “love”. I mean, how can we – human beings, with brains and intelligence – become to benign and hapless, purely due to a single emotion?

I realise now that I was horribly wrong. And in fact, imagining a world without love, is a pretty depressing image. None of that excitement, lust, passion, desire, or even confusion. Let’s not forget the pain either, pain is part and parcel of love, and world without the feeling of pain, due to loss, or heartbreak, is not a world I want to live in.

I speak of this now, because recently I saw someone who I haven’t seen for about six weeks now. She, has to be my first real love. Of course (or at least I hope) she doesn’t know, for that would turn out to be highly embarrassing. She was the eye-opener, the one who made me realise that before, all of those other women or girls who I had looked at, or known and felt something towards, that it wasn’t just closeness to people, or whatever else you can confuse a crush with, but something real. I looked at her, and I realised that I wasn’t just admiring her, or getting confused about; I was looking at someone who I wanted to hug, touch, dream about and cuddle at night. Never before in my entire life had I looked upon a person I knew, or didn’t know and think “I would like to hold you”, or “I want to cuddle you at night”, or “It doesn’t matter, I’m here for you”. I saw for the first time, that it wasn’t just fascination in females, but a desire to be with them… A desire to be with her.

Back to the story. Well, I hadn’t seen her for six weeks; and during that time, she had done her usual routine within my head, popping in and out, causing disturbance to me, making me wish I could be with her, keeping me awake in the middle of the night; but as I had learnt from other long departures from her presence, I had to void myself of all of the emotional strings I have. They can become far too heavy to carry, and to withstand. I learnt that last Christmas where I became an introverted hermit for the two weeks, whilst I was trying to console my wounded heart.

Yet, the other day I saw her; and all of those repressed emotions, all of that energy and hunger I have for her has resurfaced – and God do I feel alive!

It’s crazy! It’s half two in the morning, yet I feel so energised and empowered. My mind is constantly flashing images or things about her. Or even worse, creating imaginary conversations that I wish we could share.

My heart actually feels like it has dissisipated into a feather-tonne. It feels soft and warming to my body, yet is a burden to me. I may be happy, but mostly, I am incomplete. Seeing her again was just a painful reminder of much she is the missing piece to my human jigsaw. Everything about her perfect. Her imperfections only make her better.

I need to stop wallowing don’t I?

I see the next few weeks and months as being a test to this. Not that there can anything be achieved, but I can live in hope right?

… Well I think I will regardless! We all need some hope in our lives.

x

[Via http://londongirlblog.wordpress.com]

Glamorous Cleavage Olga Kurylenko’s

Here’s Bond babe Olga Kurylenko dropping some cleavage and looking like a doll in the Russian edition

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[Via http://techkrunch.wordpress.com]