Yesterday after reading this post and tweeting back forth with LMC herself I decided to follow her always fashionable lead and do a bit of a No Shopping Challenge for myself! I am a shopping addict, when asked my hobbies it is always my number one. I shop when I’m happy, shop when i’m sad, shop when i’m bored and sometimes just shop for the hell of it! I am constantly tempted by online sales notices and all the women who work at every plus sized store in my area know me by name, rank and dress size. Obviously I’m a bit of a shopaholic. Now I’m not saying there is anything wrong with me or anyone else loving them some shoppin, but my closet is so full and my savings account is absoluetely empty so its time to give no shopping a try. Nightrider and I want to go on a couple vacations this year so i figure what better way to save for some travel then to cut down my shoe and dress budget. Now since i’m not as awesome as LMC and am honestly a totally scaredy cat I’m only committing myself to 30 days. If i find that its working for me and i’m saving cash then thats awesome and maybe i will give 90 days a try, we will see. I am hoping that I will rediscover alot of the clothes I currently have hiding and will develop some new styles for myself, i should be exciting and I will be documenting about it from time to time.
Here are the rules
No shopping for the following items for 30 days. Simple as that.
1. Clothing
2. Shoes
3. Accessories
4. Makeup
5. Home Decor
Starting today January 7th and ending February 7th, just in time for me to get a new dress for Valentines day!
If anyone sees me with that lovely hot pink Torrid credit card before the 2/7/2010 you have the right to tackle me.
You see, once a New Year has passed, everyone is buzzing about with one thing on their minds. Resolutions. I made the decision a few years ago to end the damning cycle of creating false promises, by not creating any at all. (Well at least I tried)
We can all try, and try as we might, but even I have to admit that something about having to change the way you write the date, and starting back in January, and knowing you have a whole year of seasonal colours (as in nature – not fashion) to look forward to; it just makes me want to think and feel positivity. I want to say to myself – let’s make that change.
I mean, there’s plenty to be made.
But, as much as I hate to admit it; I’m lazy and somewhat apathetic. When it comes to physical changes – y’know, maybe deciding to go for a jog twice a week, and giving up the chocolate biscuits – it’s hard. Really hard in fact. Yet I’m faced with the “Weight Watchers” adverts telling me how I should be living my life, and what I should be striving to achieve. Their false imagery only makes me feel worse. Because what they want me to attain is a long, long, long way off.
So instead of feeling bad about it all, I try not to get pulled in. I want to live a life free from making myself feel bad; and full of making positive changes as and when they are needed or called-upon. This, I have decided is the way forward.
Even so, I still cling onto the romantic idea that with a new year, things will be different. I can move on from the past. I can forget the bad. I can expect to see change in both myself and in others… Does it ever happen though?
What I do want to do though, is something I did last year.
Educators like to think that endlessly scaring their students into exams and revision actually works – I can tell them now, it doesn’t. If anything, it has the opposite effect. By depressing us, you make us lose any enthusiasm we might have otherwise had; and thus it works out worse for all of us. Last year though, my educators decided upon a new tactic – to make us plan a-head.
We had to write a short letter to ourselves, explaining what we had achieved in the past twelves months, and what we aim to achieve in the next twelve months, along with what we want out of life in the long-term.
I wrote in January last year that I wanted to come out. I wanted to embrace the “real me”, and stop hiding behind the wall of blandness and lies I had built around myself.
Upon receiving the letter nine months later; I realised I had gone a long way towards achieving that. I’d gone from being the girl who daren’t even write on her letter “I am a lesbian” to acknowledging it to all of my friends and family.
So this year, I want to try this again; and I also think it should be something that any of you should try to do too.
Acknowledge the positive in you life, and acknowledge the changes you want to make; and cement the ideas and plans you have for yourself in the future. Apart from being a brilliant therapeutic method, when you come to read your letter in many months away from now, you’ll learn something new about yourself.
So in approximately twelve months time – I’ll say next Christmas – I shall update on what my letter said, and how far I have gone towards achieving the goals and personal changes and progress I want to make.
I hope everyone had a good New Year’s Eve – I know mine was good, although only in the sense I had fun. I’m still hopelessly single, and a virgin to lesbian sex. How depressing!
So having gained about 12 lbs from almost six months not smoking, I’m considering some exercise options to get back in shape. When I say back in shape I mean my figure of 10 years ago so blaming it on not smoking is a bit lame. Anyway first on my list of considerations is getting a personal trainer but that seems a bit up itself. The last conversation I had about a lesbian PT wasn’t too convincing either & not good form especially at our age I.e 40 plus.
Recently I have been thinking of a way to talk to my mom about me being bi. I really want to come out of my bisexual cocoon and become the butterfly I have always wanted to be. I know that of all my family she would understand. What’s difficult is the stigma that is going to be associated with being bi. I want to tell everyone, which is part of the reason I write this blog. At school today I felt as if everyone knew my secret, but in the end no one spoke to me about it.
When I sat in the locker room during gym, looking at all the half-dressed girls, I want them to know, I want them to accept me. Instead I dress quickly so that no one catches me staring at them. I think if only everyone would know, then I would be able to have a girlfriend. Then I think of how this is my senior year of high school and how I don’t want to be remembered as the crazy lesbian who came out with 5 months left in my high school life.
Instead I’ll hold it in until this summer, when I can come out and not expect to get ridiculed by my classmates. I can explore myself as I enter college, there people can know me as bisexual. They’ll never know me as anything else. So I stay tucked inside my bisexual cocoon. Maybe I’ll out myself to my mom this weekend. I hope I can go through with it, because I need someone close to me to know my secret.
Now that 2010 is officially here, I thought it would be interesting to look back at 2009 to see how far we have come as an community. For a lot of us (me included) 2009 was a horrible year, there were some positives that we can embrace. This top 10 listing was culled from research done at the Bilerico Project blog and writer Bil Browning:
Number 10: Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga & Chaz Bono reveal themselves to the world!
Lambert, Lady Gaga and Bono
So what happens when you don’t tuck properly – you get embarrassed (or at the least) you shock your adoring audience. Thus the country’s revelation that Lady Gaga is bisexual or transgendered. Did it hurt her career? Not in the least, as she continues to sell records by the thousands. Adam Lambert of American Idol fame came out of the closet and also caused quite a stir by simulating a sex act at the American Music Awards – thus confirming the double standard that its okay for straight folks to do it in public but gay folks can’t. Finally, Chaz Bono came out stating he was beginning his “transition” thus helping to bring the issues of transgendered people to the forefront. Number 9: Stonewall Riots – history repeat itself once again.
The police are at it again
The Stonewall Riots may have occurred in 1969 but that hasn’t stopped history from repeating itself again. Texas ABC agents and Ft. Worth Police stormed the opening of a gay bar sending one man with brain injuries to the hospital. Texas ABC ended up firing two of its agents for the incident while the Ft. Worth Police maintained the patron brought the injuries onto himself. Is police brutality on the rise? Is police brutality against gay folks on the rise? Ask many people and they will tell you yes.
Number 8: Can California overturn Prop 8?
It was originally a 2008 story- California voters denying same-sex marriage. In 2009, attempts were made and failed to overturn Prop 8 with the right hiring top gun lawyers and forming all kinds of new political action groups. Will a new measure hit the ballots in 2010 or 2012? Only time will tell. The most important question to ask is “will the people of California finally realize that gay marriage is not something to be scarred of.”
Is Obama for Gay Rights?
Number 7: The Justice Department says DOMA is okay?
Although this created a stir in the gay community and a backlash against President Obama, it’s result comes as no surprise. DOMA is legal and on the books; so when the Justice Department had to make a statement because of a legal challenge – surprise- they had to defend the current law. Who would have thunk it!! Somehow (of course) that defense was translated to Obama doesn’t want to help the LGBT community and all of a sudden, the community is up in arms. Will DOMA get overturn on Obama’s watch? Hopefully. Will don’t ask, don’t tell get repealed? Probably. But 2009 was a nightmare for the country and you can only do so much. I think our community needs to have just a little patience – after all – if McCain was in office – we would never get what we want.
Number 6: The LGBT print media doesn’t recognize changing times.
The LGBT print media suffered from the same fate as its hetero counterparts. Not recognizing that the public has steadily moved away (for years) from print media in favor of the more convenient online services. It is surprising considering that many LGBT folks get their information exclusively online, you would think that publications like “The Washington Blade,” TWIT,” David’s Magazine,” “Southern Voice,” – would realize this and change their strategy. Nope, didn’t happen and as a result many respected and important voices in the gay community were silenced. 11 papers and counting – not to mention that the advent of the gay book store is suffering as well (my partner and I have always wanted to run our own book store and cafe). It’s all about the internet now!!
Number 5: Congress says “yes” to HIV travelers.
When it comes to basic civil liberties for LGBT folks, it seems that the world gets it right before the U.S. does. It took a while, but Congress this year finally repealed the ban on HIV + travelers to this country. The ban represented one of the darkest moments for this country as we systemically discriminated against people with HIV while there was no scientific basis for the ban. The rest of the world admonished us for it – Obama recognized it was wrong and ended it.
Number 4: A March on Washington Returns!
I remember when I was a field producer in 1993 helping to produce a video for the March on Washington in ‘93. It was an amazing experience considering I was struggling with coming out to myself. I wanted to be in Washington in 2009 for this historic march – the National Equality March that brought over 250,000 people to the nation’s capital. What was extraordinary about this march? It was originally shunned by many, fearing cost and support. But a grass-roots campaign and national support from celebrities got the ball running and in 6 short months, the march was put together at a cost south of $200,000. Far cheaper and faster than any major march for LGBT rights on record.
Number 3: Activist win the fight in Washington and Kalamazoo – but lose in Maine.
Of course, if you listen to the right – gay folks are out to ruin the nation and convert our children and their was not shortness of rhetoric in the 2009 year. But a few victories were achieved. Kalamazoo upheld their law outlawing discrimination against LGBT people. Washington “upgrades” its domestic partnership law which includes many (if not all) of the benefits and protections afforded heterosexual couples. Maine on the other hand, overturned the same-sex marriage law – leaving only Civil Unions in place.
Number 2: And then there was 6?
So you are a gay couple and you want to get married. A few years ago, you had to travel to Canada or take a trip to the Netherlands. Not anymore. 6 states have allowed same-sex marriages: Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont (despite the Republican Governor’s veto), New Hampshire and Washington DC. Progress is slow but it’s coming.
Number 1: Pro Gay Legislation makes history!
President Obama signed into law the first pro-LGBT piece of legislation in United States history when he put his signature on the
A Victory for the Shepard Family
Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. The legislation was first proposed a decade before after Shepard, a gay college student from Wyoming, was beaten and tied to a fence to die. Contributor Cathy Renna was one of the first LGBT activists to reach Matthew’s hospital bedside and worked with his mother, Judy Shepard to ensure passage of the legislation. The new law has already been instrumental in forcing an investigation into the death of Puerto Rican teenager Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado.
So there you have it – 10 issues that have made a difference in the live of gay and lesbian people all over the country. Here’s hoping for bigger and better things in 2010.
For the last year, I’ve ranted about how much I want to come out to my parents but how terrified I am of doing so. Of course, my nervousness is not anything unique, as LGBT people everywhere deal with anxiety of coming out, especially to someone as close to you as your parents.
This time last year, coming out to my parents was only a dream that would happen a long time away (or never, and I was ok with that). But as time ticks on, it becomes even more unbearable to live a life of censorship. And while the closet door is heavy… I feel that I’m about to push it wide open.
I’ve been watching coming out stories on Logo Online to help prepare myself. Often, at the end, the person being told is loving and accepting and often suspected. I smile at how nervous those people were verses the good reaction received. But then I look at my own self. I have perhaps the perfect door to come out to my mom. Let me tell you about that.
I have a best friend that I’ve known since Kindergarten. Even though we went to colleges three states apart, we’ve continued to stay best friends. My mom has taken her in as one of her own children, so my mom and this friend have a pretty close relationship.
Recently, my mom has been expressing to this friend how she doesn’t understand me, and she can’t understand why she doesn’t get me, though she desperately wants to. My friend, who knows I’m gay, mostly just listens, not wanting to out me. Well, my mom called her up the other day and flat out asked her if I was gay, and my friend said, “Well, she hasn’t told me she is, and I don’t think so, but you should really talk to her about that.” Which was a lie, but she didn’t know what else to say. Then my mom said, “But don’t you think so?” and proceeded to list why she thought I was gay. All my friend told her was, “You just need to talk to her about it.” In the mean time, mom has been telling me that she loves me no matter what and that I could tell her anything, and it didn’t matter what it was, she would always unconditionally love me.
She clearly wants me to come out to her. And man, I want to, but I’m still so terrified! (Slap me.) I guess I’m more afraid of my dad’s reaction than her’s. And I know she would tell my dad. I KNOW. But really, I’m mostly concerned about my girlfriend, because she only has one semester left of school and doesn’t want anything to jeopardize that. She definitely wants me to come out to them, but she’s scared they might try to get her kicked out of school. Now, she has already given me her blessing to come out to them any time I feel the need to, but I do understand her concern. I was TERRIFIED of being discovered and getting kicked out when I went to school there.
I know the time is now. I’m just still so terrified. Closet door… can someone else just open you for me?
My name is Destiny and I am a vampire. Unlike those bullshit stories, I don’t need blood to survive, I need cum juices. I am doomed to wander the earth alone for all of eternity, cat form when the sun is up and human form when the moon rises. Day time I get stroked and night time I do the stroking. Male or female, it doesn’t matter, as long as they cum so I can live for another day.
I prey on the helpless and the young. I prey only on those that are as beautiful as I am. I am not conceited. It’s a fact. The more gorgeous they are, the sweeter their cum tastes. Every night I roam the dark lit streets searching. Sniffing the air for the smell of sexual heat and young hot hormones. Searching for that special someone that I could feed off and you never know one day, someone I could love. I have never met anyone yet who had the same sexual desires and stamina as I do.
I just rounded the corner of the night club district about to give up on the search for this night, and that is when I found her. She stood outside the doors of a sleezy nightclub amongst a group of people. One quick look and I knew she met all my requirements and more.
Her red silky shiny hair just reaching beyond her shoulder blades, curling ever so slightly at the edges. Her mini skirt hugging her ass tightly and showed off her long slim legs that were tucked into thigh high come-fuck-me boots. Her secquenced black backless top drapped over her braless small but perky breast. Her green penetrating eyes met mine briefly as she glanced around and smiled at me with those full red scrumptious lips.
When our eyes met I knew everything about her. That’s one of my many vampire talents. Her name was Natalie and she was 18 years old. Her boyfriend Tim? James? no thats not right, ahhhh Jim, that’s it!, was the big burly looking fellow standing on her right. Her friends Ashley, Allie and Beth stood to her left. I knew she had been with 5 men before her boyfriend but never once with a female. I knew she had never touched herself. I knew she was hot and horny as hell. I knew by the end of the night she would be begging me for more.
I walked over to the group and grabbed her hand. No one dared to stop me.
“Come with me Natalie” I said, tugging at her hand.
“Yes” She said and no one questioned who I was or how I knew her name or why she was going with me. Not even her boyfriend.
I led her through the dark streets, neither of us saying a word. We arrived at my appartment a short time later. As I led her up the stairs, I thought about the things I would love to do to her and her do to me. My tight jeans rubbing against my clit as I took each step making the wetness on panties spread.
As soon as I closed the doors, I spun her around and forcefully yet passionately kissed her, feeling her hot breath enter my mouth and heard her moan from the back of her throat. I pulled her head back by her hair exposing her bare shoulders and nibbled and sucked at her neck until she began to go limp in my arms. I reached behind her hair and undid the ties to her top and then untied the back ones, letting her top drop to the floor.
“Undress” I said and stood back and watched.
Natalie bent over and unzipped her boots, taking each one off slowly, teasing and taunting me by taking her time. She smiled shyly as she undid her zipper and wiggled sexily out off both her skirt and panties. Involuntarily I sucked in a short burst of air, as I stared at her nakedeness. She was a beautiful woman with a bod to die for. I could not find one flaw.
“Come” I said as I went into to the bathroom.
I turned on the shower and got undressed. I knew she was staring at my lean athletic body and that made me even wetter. I stepped in and motioned for her to follow. When she was in the shower, I pushed her against the cold tiles and raised her hands above her head and held them there as I kissed her. I kissed her mouth, her neck and her arms taking my time and enjoying every moment. I grabbed both wrists with one hand and ran my hand down her smooth young body, down to her pussy and rubbed her lips with my fingers until I could feel her hip trying to press against my hand. Her body was begging my fingers to enter her lips and to touch her love bud.
“Please” she begged.
“NO” I replied.
I let go of her wrist and grabbed the shower gel and sponge and slowly went over every part of her body and then she did mine. Our bodies glistening from the shower gel and water. I held my breast in my hands and stepped closer to her and rubbed my hard nipples against hers. Her moaning and groaning got louder as our nipples touched. Our slippery bodies grinding each other’s.
“Please” she begged again.
“Not yet my love” I said sternly.
I ran my fingers down her cheek to her lips and she placed two of them inside her mouth. Looking deepily into my eyes, she began to suck at them. The moisture and sensation of her mouth and lips around my fingers, the water on my back was making my pussy throb and scream for attention. But I could wait. I could wait forever for that’s all I have.
I leaned forward and kissed those full lips once again. As I did I reached down and ran circles around her clit.
“Mmmmmmm, Oh God” she grunted.
“No I am not my dear Natalie, but close enough” I said as I entered her with my fingers.
Her sweet hot pussy felt so tight and moist around my fingers that I felt like I was in heaven. With my fingers inside her pounding away and my thumb rubbing her bud, I bit down on her shoulders with my vampire teeth bringing her to her first all girl orgasm. I could feel her pussy muscels contract against my fingers and her cum ran down my hand. I took out my fingers gently and raised them to my mouth and sucked and fed off her juices.
We tenderly washed each other with the sponge washing all the soapy gel away. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off and then dried Natalie down. Slowly running the towell up and down those long legs and taking my time in between them. She followed me out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I turned the CD Player on and heard the african drum music playing in the background.
I laid her on the bed, her hair still dripping wet from the shower, and I reached for the drawer. I pulled out my pink pearl vibrator and lube and kneeled between her legs.
“Use it on yourself” I said handing it to her.
She got the lube and rubbed it all over the vibrator.
“I have never used one before. But for you, I will my ….. I don’t even know your name” She looked at me uncertain for a moment.
“Destiny is my name and pleasuring you is my game, my sexy sweet Nata” and with that she smiled.
Natalie laid back on the pillows and closed her eyes letting the music engulf her. She ran her hands over her breast and over her hard pink nipples. Her body arching as she did so. She cupped her breasts in her hands and squeezed them gently, moaning softly. There was still lube on her hands and now she spread it over her breast making them shine by the bedside light. Natalie placed her fingers again around her nipples and rubbed them as she pulled them to to point I knew it would hurt. A good hurt.
“Ohhhhhh that feels so good” she said huskily.
She ran her hands together down the middle of her firm flat stomach and over her mound of red hair and into her sweet pussy. Her ass lifting off the sheets as she raised up to meet her hands. Her fingers disappearing into her pussy twisting and turning only coming out to rub her swollen clit.
I reached over and handed her the vibrator that she had placed beside her. She pressed the on button and it began to hum, the pearls going around in a semi circular motion. She placed it against her pussy and slowly inserted it. Only an inch, then two and as she grunted she took the whole lot.
“Oh my God, Oh my God!” she screamed.
The vibrator disappeared deeply into her soaking wet pussy, with the tickler rubbing at her clit. She let it sit there for a couple of seconds then pounded the vibrator in and out, slow at first the fast. She would stop the vibrator so the pearls were just at the enterance of her pussy and let the pearls work their magic and then pound away again. The vibrations sending her body into spasms. She began to cum.
As I sat between her legs watching her, I placed my own hand in between my legs and began to rub my own hard pulsating clit to the beating of the drums in the background. My head fell backwards, my long hair brushing against my naked back as I too began to climax.
We both came together. Her body twisting and bucking with her orgasm, mine sending my legs to jelly.
I decided right then that I could not let her go. Let her go back to her former life and her boyfriend. I wanted my sweet darling Natalie as I have never wanted anything more in my long entire life.
“Natalie, my sweet baby, do you want to stay with me forever or go back to your boring life? Are you cumming or going?” I asked, no I dared her.
“Staying, cumming, what ever you so desire my Destiny” she smiled.
I lent forward and I sunk my teeth into her clit and gently sucked her lingering remaining cum that was still around her pussy, tasting her sweetness. I moved over her body and kneeled above her head.
“Baby suck me, lick me, become me” I ordered, as I placed my pussy over her lips.
“Yes, Yes, Oh god, YES please” she begged.
She hungrily flicked her tongue around my clit in cirlces. And when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, she then she fucked my pussy with her long tongue. She stopped and began to suck and lick my clit, bringing me to new orgasmic heights until I came again, this time all over her lovely face.
When she finished tasting me, I moved my body down lower on hers, my still wet pussy and clitoris rubbing against her naked chest leaving a wet slimy trail. I bent over and kissed her, letting both our cum juices combine in our mouths. That was I all I needed to do to make her mine. Combined juices makes her like me, just my juices alone would kill her.
I then sat up and watched her transform. I watched in fascination as her green eyes had turned into a crystal blue and her red hair darkened until it became black. She died as I watched her and then she sat up and sucked in a breath of air and became a cum sucking creature of the night. If it was possible, she was twice as gorgeous.
We fell asleep in each others arms and woke as two cats and spent the day licking each other, waiting for the moon to appear so we could make love to each other.
She’s only cumming for me now. And OH baby! she cums and she cums again and again. And each time she cums, I cum. We never have to go searching anymore. We feed off only each other. Living off each others juices. Never needing another human except when we desire a hard throbbing cock, but that is another story……..
My name is Destiny and I am a vampire. Unlike those bullshit stories, I don’t need blood to survive, I need cum juices. I am doomed to wander the earth alone for all of eternity, cat form when the sun is up and human form when the moon rises. Day time I get stroked and night time I do the stroking. Male or female, it doesn’t matter, as long as they cum so I can live for another day.